The Flat Belly Diet

I need to lose a little weight. Well, not just a little, a lot. But let's not get into details mmmmmkay? Anyway, I thought I'd try the Flat Belly Diet. I know a few women that have had great success with it and so I thought, why not me? Because I don't like to starve myself that's why!! 

In all seriousness though, the Flat Belly thing? Not my cup of sassy tea. Here's why:

The 4-day anti bloat. And I know what you must be thinking. FOUR days?!? Big effing deal Lindsey. Put your big girl panties on and deal with it. It's four lousy days. To which I reply, kiss my big fat A$! Because it still is fat. Because I was not successful on the Flat Belly Diet. Did I mention that yet? Anywho....the 4-day anti bloat. Okay. So, here is a sample menu:

Breakfast: 1 cup Rice Krispies, 1 cup skim milk, 1/2 cup pineapple, 1/4 cup sunflower seeds

Lunch: 3 oz chunk light tuna in water, 1 cup carrots, 1 light string cheese

Dinner: 3 oz chicken breast, 1 cup mushrooms sauteed in 1 teaspoon olive oil, 1/2 cup brown rice

Snack: pineapple smoothie (1 cup skim milk, 4 oz. pineapple, and 1 tablespoon flaxseed)

2 liters sassy water

Doesn't sound half bad, huh? Well, it wasn't. For the first day! See, the problem here folks is that I'm a "snacker". And you know what? I don't think that's a bad thing! Shame on me, the snacker, I know. But, I digress. The Flat Belly Diet doesn't want you to snack. And that just doesn't fly with this homie.

So, I'm going on my own food pyramid eating plan (notice it's already better because it's not a diet). I will have the appropriate servings of fruits, veggies, dairy, protein, and grains daily. And it will work. Because it will be easy. And I can snack. And I can eat what I like instead of gagging down nasty pineapple. I much prefer bananas and grapes to pineapple. So there. And also? I won't end up eating three pieces of pizza for dinner on the third day of the anti bloat again, because I will be staying far, far away from that four day process FOREVER. 

The end!